u got a way about you...

you got a way about you that makes me wonder how i got so lucky to know you, how i got so lucky to have you in my life off and on over the years, and now you are gone and i dont know if it is temporary or for good, but you need to know, if you do come back i wont be the same person, i have grown to know i can no longer trust you the way i thought i did, i can no longer love you the way i thought i did nor the way you needed to be loved, i can no longer be used by you the way you used me, getting me to believe it had to be all about you and never about me unless something went wrong then it became my fault, you were here in my house for 4 and a half months for dirt cheap and in the end you left because i told you i had cancer, cancer i wouldnt have known about if your dog didnt knock me over the night you went out with your friends and got drunk and took your anger out on me, if she didnt knock me over my hip wouldnt have hurt the way it did for 2 days before i finally gave in and went to the er the day after you were arrested for threatening me, you wrote me a letter saying you were going to change and you were going to do better and respect me and never scare me again but anyways i hid the secret of cancer from you because i knew you couldnt handle it, after 5 weeks of doing chemo in secret and getting yelled at by james to tell you, i did tell you and then you became quiet towards me but you didnt even give me the time to tell you i wasin remission, you just heard i had cancer and left without telling me, you left telling me to die, that wasnt funny and it hurt, the nxt day you called me a liar and a fat cow to hurt me even more just because i contact the post office and told them you no longer live with me and no longer will be recieving your mail at my house, you hated me that much you had to keep hurting me instead of being my friend i thought you were, well guess what? i wish i could be the fly tha gets to watch you get your karma bug up your ass, because when it happens its going to hurt you so bad, no wonder why your family has nothing to do with you. the sad thing about all this is i dont hate you, nope i forgive you, im always going to love and care for you, but i will never believe i can trust you again. never hurt a woman whos been hurt too much in her past she knows how to let go of people even if it takes her a few days but she will. the things you left here will either get thrown out or sold, because i dont think i need to hold onto your stuff as far as i am concerned i need to let you go, even though i will miss your brown eyes, your collogne, your dog, your snores, your laugh, your insecurities. god puts people in your life and he takes them out your life, the lesson i believe im learning is time for me to take care of me and my child no one else, like your buddy said youre a grown man you can take care of yourself. as for your buddy telling me how she and i are bestfriends and family while you were busy moving your stuff out my house into hers, if she was a genuine person with her words she wouldnt have done that to me after everything i have done for her and her shithead ungrateful bastards. users all of you were and im thankful you are all out of my life now. just know im going to get the job ive been holding off for and im going to be better than the two of you together, im going to be so happy you will wish you didnt screw up and walk away. im better than that. i wont go backwards, but if you were to come into my life again i will be mature and say hi, but i wont be your fool again. you broke a promise to me. what you did was like joe beating me to the pulp. it hurt that scar wont heal for a long time. i can let go of your new love because she is worthless in my eyes because of what she did she is like my biological family act friendly and stab you repeatedly while smiling at your face. you i know you ran because you heard the bad part the part i was trying to hold away from you so you wouldnt leave, because i wanted so much for you to get a job and get your license and become whole again we were working on it, then you threw it away for her over something you didnt let me finish telling you and you didnt want to hear, but hey i know the truth now of how you felt towards me and you can say it is a lie but your actions spoke louder than any mean words you said. but to you im the liar. because you failed to believe in me the way i believed in you i know anything you try to obtain now will not happen. no golf career no license no job nothing, you came from nothing and now you are back to nothing because you were not man enough to accept everything i was offering you and you werent man enough to stick around. oh well, you have a way about you that makes me wish i could rewind 4 years and take back that joke, but i forgive you now that i have typed this and my mind is clear and i can finally get some sleep tonight. thank you john for teaching me what not to be like. i will be always the only one who trully loves and cares for you, not your money or your sex but for you. i hope one day you realize what you walked away from. and for her i hope she loses everything even her kids she doesnt deserve anything she has, if she did she wouldnt do drugs everyday and whine about how she has no money to pay her bills, she cant kept a job because she was busy stealing from people she was working for. yeah i heard it from people in the town i used to work in people talk in small towns. thats why she gets a ride to get meth everyday once a drug addict always a drug addict. i love you, thank you and im sorry. remember those words and why i used to tell them to you. take care.

a piece of quiet for taste? no?

it shouldnt be so had to get people to understand you can not be used by them continuously? or is it? i mean seriously i want for one day be abled to say to a person im not going out today and they say oh thats ok i understand enjoy your day...not turn around and give me the guilt trip because i wont run them around and give all their friends rides as well. today i am staying home because for 3 days i was in the car way too much for others, nothing for myself. i told my neighbor who i would consider a friend when sh basically was trying to tell me i was going out that i wasnt going anywhere, she turns around and says well thanks for your help ill just take the kids and walk or ride bikes to walmart to get what i need lets face it i bette get used to it since im never getting another car again. then sends me another text asking if she could borrow the bike i have in my shed. i didnt reply to either of them. she is just ignorant and im not having any part of it. i mean damn im 35 years old and may not have much left in my life for material things but at least i dont need to depend on people who i plan to use way too much and think $5 is going to cover the gas. she says i need a ride if i give you $5 can you take me? ive been stupid for way too long, but the other day i got over it and said enoughs enough already. she had me driving all over and didnt offer me money when she stopped to get cigarettes she said when we get kalvin he will give you money, i never got it and when i asked about it i was told no i said ill give it to you tomorrow when i get my check. it was a monday she gets her check on wednesdays. i know what i heard because i recorded what she said.  she is watching my other friend cherils cats well was one escaped over a week ago and is now back to where it originally came from and the other one since then she has bitched about over and over i have offered to take it and she would all of a sudden change her mind and say it was ok she could keep the cat, today she sent me a bitchy text talking about the cat has to go today because it was breaking vases in the house broke this and that. she said she was going to toss the cat out because its not like cheril wants the cat anyways. omgosh i need to let it go, i seriously need a job so i can stop taking care of other peoples problems. i think ill go call around and find out about job applications i have filled out. yall have an interesting day or night...