a friend recently lost her mom...

SHE ASKED DOES IT EVER GET ANY EASIER WHEN IT COMES TO LOSING YOUR MOM AND NOT BEING ABLED TO CELEBRATE THINGS LIKE HER BIRTHDAY AND CHRISTMAS WITH HER? THIS IS MY RESPONSE, I BEGAN TYPING IT, THEN REALIZED I NEEDED TO BLOG INSTEAD....





it depends on how close you were, my mother and I weren't exactly best of friends, after she died it took some getting use to not having to clean, feed or take of her after 2 years while she was dying, but I also didn't get time to mourn with my family they all faught me and had me in court right after she died trying to sue me for my house she lived in, maybe if I  had time to mourn it may have had a different effect but the first year it killed me not to make her a cake, every once in awhile I want to call her or my sister or my dad and chat or get together and have lunch with all my grandparents, but I cant... I have family here on this earth who think I should be dead because I wasn't a drug addict like them, because I wouldn't let them bully me into giving them everything, I have a sister still on this earth who I want to talk to, but am afraid she will ruin me trying to mend fences with her, isn't that sad? I have nephews and nieces I cant even see because my family fucking sucks...


 BECAUSE IM MISSING OUT ON MY FAMILY BECAUSE THEY ARE SO WRONG AND MEAN I CANT LOOK PASSED IT. I WANT SO BADLY TO BE ABLED TO CALL MY SISTER AND SAY HEY WHATCHA DOING?  BUT I CANT. I CANT PUSH MYSELF TO MOVE PASSED ALL THE PAIN THEY PUT ME THROUGH. ALL THE LOSS I LOST BECAUSE OF THEM. ALL THE HIDING I HAD TO DO. I HAVE LIVED IN FEAR FOR YEARS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD KILL ME OR KIDNAP MY NIECE THAT I AM RAISING FOR MY DECEASED SISTER WHO WAS MURDERED BY HER BOYFRIEND WHO ALWAYS CHEATED ON HER AND BEAT HER. I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND PAY HIM TO LEAVE FOR GOOD BEFORE SHE DIED. JUST SO SHE COULD BE HERE IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD SEEING HER DAUGHTER GROW INTO A BEAUTIFUL LADY SHE HAS THUS FAR. AT TIMES I WISH I COULD LOOK PASSED IT, BUT THEN I KNOW I CANT. THE LAST TIME I HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT MY FAMILY WAS THROUGH MY OLDEST BROTHERS EXGIRLFRIEND THE MOTHER OF HIS SON. WHO SAID HE WAS A DIABETIC AND HADNT CHANGED YET. THAT MY BABY BROTHER AND 3RD IN LINE BROTHER WERE STILL LIVING TOGETHER IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT WITH ONE OF THEIR GIRLFRIENDS. MY 2ND IN LINE BROTHER SHE DIDNT SAY TOO MUCH ABOUT HIM IF SHE DID I DONT REMEMBER. I REALLY DONT CARE EITHER. MY SISTER HAD BEEN WITH HER BOYFRIEND OMG CLOSE TO 20 YEARS WHEN HE KICKED HER OUT AND FOUND A YOUNG CHICK TO SHACK UP WITH AND MY SISTER WAS NOW A LESBIAN. HER BOYFRIEND HAD KICKED OUT THE KIDS TOO. MY OLDEST BROTHER AFTER CLOSE TO 18 YEARS OF FIGHTING IN COURT TO GET CUSTODY AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER FINALLY WON, BECAUSE MY NEPHEW WAS OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE HIS OWN CHOICE AND MY NEPHEW CHOSE MY BROTHER. WHY I WILL NEVER KNOW.  THE WHOLE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP. I JUST HOPE IN MY NEXT LIFE I AM NOT STUCK WITH A FAMILY LIKE THAT. MY DAD DIED WHEN I WAS YOUNG HE WAS MY HERO. SADLY MY CAT REMINDS ME OF THE LOVE MY DAD KNEW AND GAVE ME. I HAVE HAD MY CAT 10 YEARS. IF HE WAS TO LEAVE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW I PROBABLY WOULDNT BE ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT. OR TALK. I WENT THROUGH ALOT LOSING A DOG, A CAT AND A MOUSE OVER A YEAR AGO, AND I AM STILL NOT HEALED FROM THAT. AND I AM ABOUT TO START A NEW JOB, OMG I AM SO FREAKED OUT ABOUT THAT. AFTER 2 AND A HALF YEARS I GOT A JOB OFFER, JUST WAITING ON THE DRUG TEST RESULTS. I AM SCARED TO START WORKING, IT IS ONLY FOR 6 MONTHS BUT I AM SCARED TO HELL I MIGHT MESS U OR I WONT BE ABLE TO GRASP THE JOB CORRECTLY. WHICH IS STUPID IT IS SOMETHING I HAVE KNOWN AND DONE SINCE I WAS 15 AT MY FIRST JOB. UGH ANYWAYS I SHOULD END HERE FOR NOW. I HAVE LETTERS I NEED TO WRITE AND CLEANING TO DO AND WHATNOT... TAKE CARE