There's a difference between guys and men... No?

So far in my life I've met mostly guys. The few men I met were good men who were married to good women. Well minus one who married the wrong woman because she made him believe she was pregnant with his baby.
But anyways. Guys say all the right stuff to get you to listen. But they have absolutely no clue what to do with it. So they jerk off and leave after 3 pumps. Claim the girls psycho or too clingy. Men do the job right and stick around. Guys call women cows. Men call them ladies. Men do not cheat. Guys do. Men do not manipulate. Guys do.
Here's some guys for you.
Nate. Lies, cheater, neglects the one he's "dating" and living with to lie to another saying he lives with his uncle. she gave up on him years ago. But he just won't leave. Blamed her for everything wrong. When it's not her fault he was like that before she met him. If she knew before what she learned she would have never given him the time of day.  Now he's living his karma for all his wrong doings. Breathing problems and no one here trusting him.
John... Haha sorry just pictured how he looks now. Fat, toothless, bald, ugly. He got his karma. Over compensating turns out to be the worst thing you can do. He over compensated because he was a major problem to anyone who met him. I'm glad he left. I'm glad to not have anything to do with him anymore either.
Matthew... I'm glad he didn't last long either. Full of life and deceit. His poor girlfriend. She deserves way better. Im glad he's not near me. I have been through enough with lying people. Glad he's gone.
To all the guys who thought I was too fat. Im glad you are a thing of the past. Because I deserve better. To the guy who says he wants me, but doesn't put effort into getting me or bring with me. Thanks, for not being man enough to do so. But good enough to step aside and not hold me back from moving forward. To the guy I just met this week. Honestly, you don't know what you really want nor need. I'm glad I didn't hand you my eggs and say "protect these" because you would have dropped them. I wish you luck in finding exactly what you want and need. I deserve a man who knows exactly what that is to him.
Thanks to a certain guy, no names being said. A couple years ago you came into my life to help make it better. You were a sight to see. But kind hearted. I wish I had more confidence in myself after everything I have been through. Even this past year from time to time I'd text to say hi. You were still kind enough to be polite. Even when I flirted or joked around. You didn't make me feel small or stupid. I felt comfortable. Why can't I meet a man like you who'd date someone like me? I even began thinking somehow you know John. I'm positive Russell knew him. It clicked in fast when I saw Russell, but i kept my mouth shut. You had to of known John. Because I didn't speak to him but somehow he knew about things only you and Russell knew going on. Not that it matters. But if John was a major drug addict i would think you were as well? I would hope not. But anyways.. it's too late.
Anyway,, my being messed up started with my family. And fighting to keep my sister's baby safe. I grew up in that crap. Im happy to not have anything to do with that family. And my sister trying to pretend to be family, that was a joke. And sadly Rain got hurt. But she learned why I kept her away. Now she knows not to do it again. That family is not worth it.
I've got friends who I don't associate with anymore. Mainly because they were drug addicts and I'm not and I have better intentions in life. I don't miss them anymore.
What I miss is being able to feel safe, sexy and wanted. Okay maybe not wanted but desired. Im writing a book. I got most of it done. But I need to go back over it and correct spots and add story to it. Change names of people in it. But for the most part I'm happy with it and where it's going.
Writing helped me get anger out. It helped me work on me too. I have dreams of being loved so right I forget I missed years of being held and loved. I never got to experience real honest to goodness love. So it goes without saying, I haven't met the man. Just guys....

The ad said sub wanting Dom... What happened?

                              He showed up to the motel, she lets him in. He sits on the bed. Goes to reach for her. She pushes his hands done and says not until I tell you you can touch me. He tried again she pushes his hands down. She put her foot on the bed over his leg and says take your fingers and fill my pussy hole. He looks at her laughs. She slaps him and says stop laughing and do as I said now. So he take 3 fingers and fills her pussy hole with them. Now rub my clit with your thumb, he runs. Make me cum in your hand, so he starts fucking her with his fingers rubbing her clit. Harder you bastard, so he goes harder ramming his fingers in her pussy. She moans, grabs his shirt and bucks hard as she cums in his hand. Now rub your dick with my juices bastard. He tries kissing her, no fucking kidding rub it on your dick now. And get completely naked. Before hearing another he undresses fast throwing his clothes all over the room. Reaches her cunt takes her juices and rubs it oin his dick. His limp little dick. She pushes him back he lays on his back, knees bent over the edge of the bed. Feet on the floor. She climbs on top of his chest as facing his face she grabs his limp dick hard in her fist and says lick my pussy long and slow now. As he licks she rubs his dick hard in her hand she licks the tip of his dick and sucks it into her mouth as she cums again on his face. She gets up turns around and kneels just above his semi hard dick, smiles at him and rams his dick into her pussy and fucks him hard and fucks him long. Takes a good 15 minutes of ramming his dick hard before he's solid cock and blows hard fast cum deep inside of her. She gets off him. Grabbing hand cuffs she cuffs hands to the bed posts stretched his arms away from being able to touch her. She grabs a hit burning candle and begins to drop hot wax on his groin just above his cock burning him. He's beginning to complain she tells him to shut the fuck up but he won't so she grabs a gag from her bag stuffs it in his mouth and leaves him muffled yelling as she drops hot wax on his body in various spots. Letting the wax get hard then ripping it off. He's beginning to sweat and getting frustrated, she sees this. So giving him a break from the pain, she kneels her wet pussy on his stomach as she takes his cock in her hands and rubs him hard and fast making him hard and running in her hands over and over. She's taking the cum rubbing it in her pussy, fingering herself as he watched she takes his dick in her mouth ad begins to fuck herself as she's sucking him hard. She's rubbing her foot and spreads her legs wide over his stomach so he can watch as she cums on his stomach as she's tasting his cum pour into her mouth as she spits it down her chin and continues to suck his dick she leans back and stick her wet pussy on his nose moving in and over face fucking him with her wet pussy.  she turns around takes the gag out his mouth, kisses him and tells him to suck her tits like a baby and be begins to suck and she's riding his cock long and slow she's watching him suck her big tits finally letting him bite onto a nipple she looks down at him and smiles as she's fucking him over and over. She's grinding her pussy on his dick getting tight on his dick she's pushing on his chest grabbing it pinching his nipples, she leans back hard on his dick as he explodes inside her. She rests there watching him. Leaning down she kisses him as she slides off. She walks over to her bag and grabs cuffs that have chains attached to them. She cuffs his legs one by one and cuffs his legs raised up off the bed. She goes in her bag and gets out a peg and begins fucking hiss asshole with it. Rubbing his cock as she's pegging his asshole he gets hard, harder than he has been so she stands above him and slams down ramming his extremely hard cock deep into her pussy making him immediately bust a nut into her. She does her hips in circles making his cock tingle inside her pussy she reaches behind her and begins fucking him with the peg again. Bouncing her pussy up and down on him fucking him. He cums again inside her. She undoes his wrists and tells him to hold her and fuck her so he does, she tells him suck my skin he does as he's told. Pinched my nipples, so he does. He's sucking away as her skin leaving bruises and making love to her. His hands feeling all over her body he lifts her begins sucking on her clit  and fingering her asshole with a finger pulling her leg over his shoulder he begins biting her clit kissing it sucking it licking her pussy tonguing her pussy hole fucking her hole with his tongue, she's grabbing his hair shoving his face in her he lays back taking her with him and she's telling him make me cum for you, make this pussy yours. He's pulling her hips hard on his face as he's eating at her pussy her fingers grabbing tight on his hair as she begins bucking hard getting ready to cum he says undo my legs undo my legs so she undoes his legs, and gets on her knees he's fucking her hard she's moaning hard his hands gripping her shoulders hard he's banging her from the back sweat pouring down his face he's banging her she's rubbing her clit he takes his hand and helps her rub her clit hard keeping her trembling hard making her body work up hard they're rubbing her clit together hard as he's fucking her pussy he bites her shoulder and she gives in and explodes hard on his dick as he explodes deep inside her pussy. He kneels back and she goes with him sitting on his dick and he says I'm getting raw I can't keep going, so she begins fucking his dick pounding her ass to his legs making his dick go in and out of her extremely wet pussy she bounces him into running one more time. Leans back into him as they sit there kissing. Her tits in his hands he's still pinching her nipples. She says I have one more treat for you. She gets up goes to her bag and pulls out a dildo must've been 10 inches long 3 inches thick. It was attached to a motor handle like one of those power toothbrushes. She says this is my treat to you, you get to sit back and watch me fuck myself one final time before wee sleep. So he leans back into the pillows as she leans against the bedpost at the foot of the bed legs spread wide takes the dildo and places it at her pussy hole and starts teasing her pussy with it, going slow rubbing it on her clit all over her pussy lips and puts it into her pussy and begins fucking herself with it. Doesn't take long before she's shoving it deep inside her letting it vibrate and fuck her as she's staring at him fall asleep she gets on all fours and sucks his cock as the dildo is vibrating inside her. He falls asleep as she's sucking him off. She sees no point wasting the dildo so she quickly gets herself off with it. Cleans up her stuff and climbs on his lap in hopes he wakes up for one more romp she's fucking his limp dick sucking his neck he wakes up enough to look at her and sucks her tit for a quick second, but noticing it wasn't going further she gets up handcuffs him to the bed, leaves a note and disappears forever...

Thanks boys, but I've got it from here

Ugh, how did I go from single and happy to trying to find a man and blah feeling about it? Oh yeah, that's right I listened to friends.

Let me tell you about the guys I've met. But let me say this... Just because you have a penis it does not mean you are a man. Your character does.

The guys.... Matthew is last years news. He wasn't worth shit then still isn't today.

Hank.... In his 50s, full of headgames. Loved to lie. Cheat. Carried diseases like the candy man wanting to pass them out. But I wasn't having any of them. I'm too good for him. Took me a bit, but got rid of him.
Then, Stuart? I think. But anyways. He began by sounding promising. 33, a virgin, outgoing etc.  Well then he drops the I live with my parents, don't keep jobs, my parents piss me off because they're so noisy. I'd rather go out playing with my friends than work. Claimed he wanted to be a cop. Boy did he drop the ball on things in life. I just stopped replying to him.
John.. No job, lives with his family. Doesn't do anything with his life but watch his families kids. No thanks.
Jim, a guy in my town. Seemed sweet. But he didn't like talking I guess. But he turned me off by sending me a picture of himself naked. Adios.
Gareth. God, I really hoped he had promise. We were going good. Good conversation. Great actually. But then he tried calling me a liar. Telling me I wasn't the same person in both my pictures. 2 weeks apart in the pictures. My guess he was just insecure and had to start an argument. But I simply just said goodbye. I have more respect for myself than to sit there arguing with a boy.
I feel I'm missing someone? So many boys in a few short months. But I am done. I'm going back to what I know best. Being happy and single. I'm healthy, 38, big beautiful vibrant and outgoing. God fearing. Don't lie, don't cheat. I help others. When the right man comes along he will. We will mesh so well I'll forget the crap I had to dig through the past few months.
I'm not settling for anyone either. I deserve a damn good man. A farmer type guy. A hard working man. Like the guy I drove passed a few weeks ago in Spencer. God he was gorgeous. He was pulling into his driveway. Black car. Short dirty blond hair on his head. Handsome as all get out. Farmer.
Thinking I need to write a book... No one reads this, so I can keep talking. But I won't. This happy and healthy beautiful lady is going to bed..

I love you guys, for showing me I'm better than you can ever offer. I'll keep dreaming about that guy. Maybe, just maybe God will lead us together someday.

Enjoy your life people. Don't settle for crap.

Favorites

Dear Favorite,

I can't imagine going through life feeling absolute emptiness like I am feeling right now. I feel parts of me healing from past hurts. But part of me is hurting new. And I'm afraid to feel this. I feel lost. There's only one person I want around. But I don't want to talk, I don't want to stand either. I want him laying here with me, holding me, as I cry while I let go of my friends who I ll never speak to again. Not saying a word, just letting my tears fall. I can't tell anyone. Because I'm a fool. He hurt me. But with him I feel safe. No matter the horror I felt from things said. I can't talk to anyone person because people talk. No one shuts up while one person is talking. It's always about getting your opinion in. He listened to me until his ears bled. He let me cry on his shoulders about my Dad. He held me through the pain of Michael, he didn't even know it, but he did. I wish Michael didn't marry Barbra when he did. He'd still be alive today. I wish Michael didn't hurt the way he did, because he left me. I want so badly to find the love and affection and trust I had in Michael just as I did in my Dad. Now I've got to continue on with it in my head how the one I want near me can't be. He's not even dead. People always say the best way to get over someone is get with another. Hell that's a lie. A real huge lie. And I just lived. The past couple months just made me miss him more and more. I'm empty and alone. I have no one to tell. I can't even tell him. It's all lies. I hate this. I hate being alone with my head and my heart battling each other. Everyone else is moving on, but I'm here like "hey I'm fragile". No one will ever understand this. No one goes through everything I just went through this month. I want to be in love so in love I want to be drunk in love. Never questioning anything. I want that kiss. So I never feel this feeling again... I want to give my everything to a man who wants to give me his everything. So as my last friend gets laid to rest this morning I begin to heal from the final loss. I forgive you all who have committed suicide, those of you who died in accidents or of health issues. So many of you in heaven together now. You can all watch over me and lead me to him. I want to be that rib to complete that man I'm to fit with for the rest of my life. But for now, I'm going to finish this goodbye. I need to let go of my past and let in the future. I'm tired of losing people. Tired of hurting. Tired of thinking. Tired of being alone inside my head while my heart feels this way..

Love from,
Your Favorite

PS.... I'm not SUICIDAL I'm just ending my past.... From now on fuck the past, I'm taking back my year!!!!!

Basically youre fat but you're beautiful....

Recently I heard well more like read a text from a guy.... 
He says "You're a big girl, but you're beautiful". It has been bugging the shit out of me since I heard it. How do you say that to someone you claim you fell in love with? For over a week he couldn't make up his mind what he wanted said he was taking time off from talking to me because I made him crazy he couldn't sleep etc. Then a day later he sends me a message how he figured his problem out, that he was in love with me.. Today he sends me that text. " you're a big girl, but you're beautiful". Ever since I've been turned off. 
Dude I'm not fat. I have huge tits. But hey you go find a skinny chick to fuck with the head of. Because I'll find a man who won't point out my body size. Because seriously that had to be what your problem was! You took a liking to a bigger than size 6 chick. And you can't figure out how or why. Maybe because I'm too independent and I'm not out for your fucking money. I don't give a shit how fucking rich or poor a man is. But the second you make me feel inadequate I've lost interest I your shallow shit. Yup, you were right, you're not the man for me. Because I don't want to kissing some guy then hear out his mouth "I love your fat" because no woman wants to hear it. And if she does then she is mentally fucked up. 
Then the line " I want to pretending we are something we aren't". What's that even mean? But you go onto to talking about sex. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. But either way I can't go backwards. I'm just moving forward. With or without a man beside me in bed, with or without a man beside me as I walk through my journey through life. I'm making me happy. 

let me clear my throat.....

big·ot
ˈbiɡət/
noun
a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.....



a·the·ist
ˈāTHēəst/
noun
a person who disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of God or gods.......


Both are ignorant words, but many chose to be one or the other, sometimes both. When I was young another word I was taught was nigger. Back then I was taught it has two main meanings 1. Ignorant person and 2. A black person. I was told never to use the word because even if I was using it to call someone ignorant it could hurt someone or get me hurt. I was taught that by our neighbor Woody. He was a black guy. No, I don't know why tonight these words he taught me about has come to mind. But I want to talk about this for a bit. Okay? And I am going to refer to the word nigger as ignorant in my discussion. Just so y'all know beforehand.

Nigger is a noun meaning to be of ignorance .....

Which one is worse to be? Let me stop you right there! I want you to continue reading this before you comment. Undeniable they are all full of sadness and those choosing to be any of those are full of sadness. Let me through this in there.... Anyone referring to their friend as a nigger to call him/her homeboy/home girl is full of sadness too. Why are any of those continuing to be used in this day and age?? Aren't we hurting each other enough with other mean words and our fists and knives and guns?

Seriously tell me why would you chose to be a bigot when one day you're going to need help during a car accident and the only one who will be there to give you a shoulder to cry on while waiting for the ambulance could be a person of another race. In a time of need you will not be thinking get away from me black person or Chinese or white person. You're going to be thinking "please hold me while I cry".

Atheist.. Why is it so hard to believe someone or something created us many years ago from nothing? We are made of science and history. We are made to evolve through love and kindness. Yet you choose to believe you came from nothing. Why? Because you don't have direct answers as to why if God created us to love, by is he allowing so much sadness going on on this Earth? Why be an atheist, when you can choose to believe there is something some higher being out there that created everything from nothing just as  you create a garden from dirt and a seed? Miracles happen when we believe in ourselves. When we believe in ourselves we can overcome a lot of things. When you lay down and make a baby you are being like a God in a sense. Let me tell you why.. Ready? Well God the higher being loved himself and life itself he created so much from nothing because he wanted others to experience pure happiness just as he did. Yes, we have all read many types of bibles. But they all come down to the same thing.... Love.

Ignorance.. Nigger... Why be it? Why be anything so sad and negative that it hurts not just you, but your family, your friends and all those you come in contact with throughout your day? Instead of choosing to be something or someone mean and full of sadness and hatred, why not stop that behavior and start changing the past to make your present better by showing love and tolerance for the wicked. Why not change your child's future by being nice to everyone to their face and behind their backs? Stop using the word nigger when referring to your friends too. Yes, you are proud of your friends so then call them better names instead of using a word that ultimately you wouldnt allow a stranger to call you. Instead of saying "what's up nigger?" Say "what's up friend?"

I'm a white girl who grew up in an all black neighborhood. I don't see humans having color as an insult. We are all of the same flesh and blood. My first boyfriend was black. I dated Dominican guys, white, Puerto Rican and Portuguese. It doesn't matter the race of the person or the skin complexion or color. If a person is going to mistreat you they will. If a person is going to love you they will. Isn't that all that matters when you sit down thinking about it? The love that can be shared between people? To me being a bigot, an atheist or a nigger just means someone wasn't loved right as a child and didn't learn right from wrong. If you're not happy. Stop what you're doing and fix it....

🍫 isn't helping...

Not sure what it is today I'm just sad. Can't figure it out. Doesn't matter the song.. I'm crying. Guess I'm just missing something or someone.... 

Only time will tell...