We met fast one night. Never thought it could turn into a ten week long super romance. You came saying how you were in a bad situation. I was there lending you an ear. As a friend or so I thought.
Not in a million years did I ever think I could fall in love with a man the way I did. I've loved men but never have I been in love before. This guy got me to feel feelings I never wanted to feel. But he got into my soul. Made me feel at home.
It happened so fast. Without a warning. Within a week we were saying I love you. He was afraid of telling me his name and showing me his picture. But he did. He was handsome. Funny it had been years since I called any man handsome. The last guy I called handsome earned his name. But this guy looked handsome in the way he dressed and the way he looked.
This guy open many wounds from my past and helped me heal passed them. But at the same time he was taking things from me. I didn't even notice until it was too late. I loved him with my whole heart and soul. We spoke so much it felt like he was right here. In the same room with me.
He was 3,200 miles away. He told me so much about himself. As I told him so much about me and my past. We would feel so comfortable with each other it felt at times he was inside my head. I'd lay on my bed it would feel he was right here laying with me.
There were times we would lay together and dream the same dreams. Talk of being together. He'd come for a visit and then move here to be with me. It felt so real. I believed it would happen. He never gave me reason not to believe he would be here with me.
Ten weeks, we dreamt the same dream of love and happiness. We had our little pet names for each other. Ways to pick on each other. If we argued we spoke it out. Ten weeks in, something happened.
It's been five weeks since it all fell apart. Crumbled like dry bread. We were going so good. Then something happened inside of him he began to pull away and talk less. When he did talk he began finding petty things to argue over to push me away or cause a scene in front of people.
He began lying to me and others around. I figured he was just getting cold feet. Was scared of something so wonderful could happen because he's so used to bad things happening he had to ruin us. So he didn't have to experience something so wonderful. Because he's not ready for it.
I wanted to hold on to him and hope. But holding on means I had to hurt. So I prayed on it. God answered. So for now my life is going on without him. When the time is right and he is truly ready god will lead us back together again. But for now I can only hope and pray for him. He needs to heal from his past so he can experience good in his life. I believe he is a good man.
He deserves happiness and love. All humans do. But my life right now is about making myself first and taking advantage of what God has for me. This is my year. This year I will be happy and in love with life. It may have to be with nother man, but that man will get my all.
And if ten week romance never comes around to finish our journey together at least I have those ten weeks to remember something beautiful. I'm not his loss. He's not my loss. We are not over. He knows it. He just needs to get strong enough to finish what he started.
Ten week romance..... Five weeks still recovering....
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