They say write it out, it'll help heal you. Problem is it's too deep. I write and I write and I write. But you're still there in my head fucking with me. I stop to listen to mumbling your shit, but it's aggravating the shit out of me. I want you face to face to me with the privilege to just slap you once. Then I can move on to either love you unconditional if you want me to. Or I can move on and have you out my system. How was it so easy for you to say love love love oh I will come to America and go everywhere and become fat from eating everything in sight. I believed everything you said to me. Even when it made no sense. You made me laugh when I didn't want to laugh. You made me hate you at the same time fall deeper in love with you. Then just as fast as you entered my world, you left. No real honest reason to it either. There's a wish I hold in my heart, that you'd either come home to me or leave my heart and memory so I could move on and stop hating everything and feeling depressed like I want to take my own life. I have so much to live for, yet for weeks now I think if I didn't have any animals taken my life would be so easy. Truly, I don't believe any human would miss me.
This is supposed to be my year. You were supposed to be part of it. Now I'm just lost. And alone. Never felt this hollow before. I want to stop crying and feeling this way. I'm not going to write to you anymore at your email nor any other way I know how to contact you. I love you. But I need to let you. I need to learn to breath again. I need to learn to fill myself with joy and happiness and love and be honest to myself. I'm turning 38 this year. I want to fall in love and get married and have a good mans baby. It's my turn to live. It's sad you fell apart from us. But it's life. I'm not letting you hold me back. I love you, I'm letting you go... Letting you go be alone and miserable and unfulfilled... If you choose to change I will be your friend. I love you, I'm sorry and thank you. Oh and I forgive you....
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