HOROSCOPES

I AM BEGINNING TO THINK MAYBE HOROSCOPES ARENT MEANT TO TELL US FIBS BUT MAYBE INTRODUCE US TO THINGS WE MAY THINK IS IMPOSSIBLE?  I READ  MY HOROSCOPE THE OTHER NIGHT AND IT SAID SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT I SHOULD GO AFTER WHAT I WANT AND TO HELL WITH THOSE WHO DONT WANT ME TO WIN THE RACE.. TONIGHT IM READING ONE IN A MAGAZINE WHERE THEY ARE BASED FOR THE UPCOMING MONTH AND IT SAYS IN THE BEGINNING OF JUNE I WILL HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO A FRIEND. RIGHT NOW MY LIFE CONSISTS OF LITERALLY 4 OR 5 PEOPLE I ACTUALLY SPEAK TO THAT I WOULD CALL A FRIEND. YOU KNOW SOMEONE YOU TEND TO COUNT ON WHEN YOU ARE IN NEED OR A GOOD CONVERSATION AND MORAL SUPPORT.  WELL I FIND IT FUNNY, BECAUSE IN JANUARY I HAD A FRIEND WALK OUT ON ME AND HE CLAIMS HE REGRETS WALKING OUT THE SECOND TIME. SEE HE WALKED OUT AND WAS GONE A MONTH. RETURNED TO WALK OUT YET AGAIN 5 DAYS LATER. SINCE THEN I HAVE CRIED FOR HIM. HURT FOR HIM. OVERCAME HIM. THE ONLY REASON I KEEP HIM AROUND RIGHT NOW IS BECAUSE OF HIS SOCIAL SECURITY CHECK HE HAS ME AS HIS REP PAYEE.  SO I COLLECT HIS CHECK EVERY MONTH. NOT MUCH OF A CHECK EITHER BECAUSE HE KEEPS AVOIDING DOING THE PAPER WORK TO GET HIS HEALTH INSURANCE REINSTATED.  ONCE HE DOES HIS CHECKS WILL GO BACK UP. BUT ANYWAYS, HE ISNT HERE BUT I STILL GET HIS CHECKS, HE SAYS BECAUSE I NEED THE MONEY HE WONT TAKE IT AWAY.  BUT I KNOW HE WILL EVENTUALLY BECAUSE HE IS A HEARTLESS PRICK OF A MAN IN MY EYES. A BIG TIME CHEATER WHO WALKED OUT ON ME AFTER ASKIN IF ID BE WITH HIM IN A RELATIONSHIP. THANK GOD NO SEX WAS INVOLVED.   HE LEFT TO BE WITH A WOMAN HE MET ONLINE THROUGH OKCUPID.COM...SERIOUSLY HE ISNT ALL THAT TO LOOK AT. HE HAD SOME GOOD POINTS. BUT REALLY IF HE IS NOT AN HONEST MAN IT MAKES HIM UGLY. AM I RIGHT OR WRONG ON THAT ONE LADIES? THE SAME GOES FOR WOMEN, YOU CAN TAKE SOMEONE DROPDEAD GORGEOUS AND SHE CAN OPEN HER MOUTH AND SAY THE CRUELEST THING AND MAKE HERSELF UGLY. WHEREAS YOU CAN FIND A HERMIT CRAB AND SHE DOES SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS SMILE AND SHE BECOMES BEAUTIFUL OVERTIME YOU GET TO KNOW HER AND SHE BECOMES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.  AND YOU WONDER HOW YOU LIVED YOUR PIFE WITHOUT HER BEFORE?  FUNNY HOW LIFE IS LIKE THAT. RIGHT NOW I HAVE MY FRIEN LIVING WITH ME. HIS NAME IS JOHN. NO IM NOT CHANGING HIS NAME FOR SAFETY REASONS. SERIOUSLY WHY BOTHER?  BUT ANYWAYS JOHN JUST WENT THROUGH SOME HARD THINGS TO GO THROUGH BY HIMSELF. HE LOST HIS LICENSE 2 YEARS AGO, WHICH MADE HIM LOSE HIS JOB BECAUSE HE COULDNT GET THERE. THEN ONE OF HIS DOGS SCARLET DIED. THEN HE WENT THROUGH LOSING HIS HOUSE TO BEING HOMELESS.  GOD PUT HIM INTO MY THOUGHTS AND KEPT HIM THERE UNTIL I GOT IN TOUCH WITH HIM. HE HAS BEEN HERE 7 WEEKS MINUS 3 DAYS HE TOOK OFF BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I DIDNT WANT HIM HERE. GOD KNOWS MY HEART. I POURED MY HEART OUT TO THIS GUY LAST YEAR, TELLING HIM HOW I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM.  BUT BECAUSE HE DIDNT RESPOND I TOLD HIM TO FORGET IT AND I COULDNT BE HIS FRIEND ANYMORE AT THAT POINT.  FUNNY HOW GOD TAKES PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND PUT THEM BACK IN.  FOR 4 YEARS JOHN AND I HAD BEEN IN AND OUT OF EACH OTHERS LIVES. BUT THIS TIME HE MOVED INTO MY HOME.  HIM, HIS OTHER DOG CINNAMIN AND ALOT OF HIS STUFF.  IM THINKING HE WOULD STAY HERE UNTIL HE GOT HIS FEET BACK ON THE GROUND.  BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HES MOVING IN TO STAY..  BELIEVE ME AS A FRIEND I DONT MIND. BECAUSE I LOVE BEING ABLED TO HELP HIM. BUT IN MY HEART IM DYING BECAUSE IM TRYING TO LET GO OF THE INLOVE PART I HAD FOR HIM. BUT HE MADE IT COME OUT WHEN A MONTH AGO HE ASKED ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP. THEN 3 DAYS LATER HE SAYS HE ISNT READY FOR IT. THAT CRUSHED ME AND MADE ME HAVE A LITTLE HATRED TOWARDS HIM FOR HURTING ME AGAIN.  YES I UNDERSTAND HES GOING THROUGH THINGS HE NEEDS TO WORK THINGS OUT FOR HIMSELF BECOME THE MAN HE ONCE WAS. A COUPLE WEEKS AGO I FOUND OUT HIS LICENSE WAS INVALID AND HE DENIED IT. THEN MY FRIEND/NEIGHBOR TRACY TOLD ME HE TOLD HER HE HAD A WARRANT FOR HIS ARREST BECAUSE OF IT. LAST WEEK HE BLEW UP AT ME OVER A JOKE. AND I HIT THE SPOT I FELT UNCOMFOTABLE NEAR HIM AND I HAD NO LOVE FOR HIM. I HATED HIM. I HATED THE SIGHT OF HIM. THE SMELL OF HIM. EVEN JUST LOOKING AT HIS CRAP MADE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. HE LEFT THE NEXT MORNING TO GO TO HIS FRIENDS' HOUSE AND WAS GONE FOR THE WEEKEND AND I KEPT SAYING TO MYSELF IF HE NEVER CAME BACK ID BE FINE WITH IT.  REALLY AFTER THE FIRST ONE WALKED OUT AND THIS ONE MADE ME THINK ABOUT MY EXHUSBAND WHO MOST PEOPLE DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT. HE AND I WERE BEST OF FRIENDS FOR GOSH 14 YEARS. WE ELOPED SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2001. HE WAS IN THE MILITARY AND WAS GETTING STATIONED IN PENNSYLVANIA TO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE. HE HAD TO SIGN IN ON THE 10TH AND THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 WHEN THE PLANES HIT THE TOWERS AND THE PENTAGON AND CRASHED INTO THE GROUNDS IN PENNSYLVANIA.  HE WAS LISTED AS MIA FROM LAST POST INSIDE THE PENTAGON. AFTER 6 MONTHS THEY LISTED HIM AS DECEASED. FIVE AND A HALF YEARS LATER HE CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE OUT OF THE BLUE.. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I GOT THE CALL FROM A FELLOW FRIEND BRYAN SAYING "LARRY IS ALIVE AND ON HIS WAY TO YOUR HOUSE AS WE SPEAK" I DROPPED THE PHONE AND FELL TO MY KNEES AND CRIED. NO ONE THERE TO HOLD ME. I LOOKED UP WHEN I HEARD THE ENGINE OF A CAR COMING CLOSER INTO MY DRIVEWAY. THERE HE WAS STILL GORGEOUS AS EVER 6'3", BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES TALL AND SLENDER YET MUSCULAR BUILD. HE HAD A LIMP HE NEVER HAD BEFORE. I SAW THE SCAR ACROSS HIS FACE OVER THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE AND THROUGH HIS CHEEK. IT DIDNT MATTER TO ME LARRY WAS HOME AND I CAN FINALLY FINALLY LOVE HIM LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO YEARS AGO WHEN WE MADE OUR VOWS. WE SAT DOWN AT MY PICNIC TABLE I HAD THEN IN MY YARD AND HE BEGAN TELLING ME THE STORY ABOUT HOW HE GOT INJURED AND HE SAW HIS FACE AND THOUGHT I WOULDNT LOVE HIM ANYMORE. HOW HE LOST A LEG AND I DEFINATELY WOULDNT LOVE HIM ANYMORE. HOW HE FAKED HIS DEATH BY PUTTING HIS TAGS ON ANOTHER SOLDIER. I COULDNT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS HEARING OUT HIS MOUTH. IT SOUNDED LIKE I WAS LISTENING TO A MOVIE BEIN SO LOUD IN 3D AND IT MADE ME SAD AND MAD AND HURT. I FELT SO BETRAYED FOR THE LADY IN THE MOVIE. AFTER A FEW MINUTES I REALIZED IT WAS ME THE WORDS BEING SAID TO AND I DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE THE MAN I PLEDGED TO LOVE HONOR AND OBEY COULDNT DO THE SAME TO ME. HE COULDNT BE HONEST FROM DAY ONE. I FELT I COULDNT GO WITH HIM. I HATED THE VERY SITE, SMELL AND ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE AND TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE. I CALLED MY LAWYER AND SAID WHAT I HAD JUST BEEN TOLD. WAS TOLD TO CONTACT HIS MILITARY COURT AND FILE A COMPLAINT. WHEN I DID, I FOUND OUT HE FILED OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE IN TENNESSEE THE YEAR WE WERE MARRIED AND IN THE STATE OF TENNESSEE I WAS LEGALLY MARRIED TO HIM AND I HAD TO FIGHT WITH THEM FOR THE RIGHTS TO AN ANNULLMENT AND THAT BEGAN A CYCLE OF DEALING THE COURTS AND RECERTIFYING MYSELF AND MY CHILD AS A SINGLE PARENT AND CHILD AND AFTER 6 MONTHS I BECAME A SINGLE WOMAN. HE WENT TO JAIL FOR FRAUD AND NOT JUST AGAINST ME BUT AGAINST THE MILITARY AND HE IS SET TO BE RELEASED IN 5 MONTHS. I WANT TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HIM SO MY HEART CAN HEAL FROM THE HURT AND I CAN BEGIN FULLY TRUSTING MEN AGAIN.  MY GOSH I TOTALLY GOT SIDETRACKED FROM WHERE I WAS WITH WHAT I WAS SAYING BUT HEY LETS SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER NIGHT? IF SOMEONE CAN REMIND ME WHERE I WAS BECAUSE RIGHT NOW ITS LATE AND IM TIRED AND THINK I SHALL GET SOME SLEEP. ID GRATELY APPRECIATE THE HELP...LOL....IM THINKING I GOT LOST SOMEWHERE AROUND THE JOHN ISSUE BUT LIKE I SAID ANOTHER NIGHT. SO TOMORROW I WILL BE BACK AND FINISH CLEARING MY HEAD AGAIN.....